Friday, September 23, 2005

Moon Really Made of Blue Cheese

Channeling the spirit of my friend Stan "The Man" Sinberg, who writes clever bits for the tabloids, I was inspired to pen the following tabloidesque piece of my own:

Flash! Scientists discover the moon is really made of blue, not green, cheese. This revelation is heralded by Corporate America, always on the lookout for new avenues of outsourcing to exploit.

"This amazing discovery," said one industry spokesperson, "will put to shame the famous blue cheese caves of Wisconsin. Think of the possibilities for profit! Endless blue cheese ripening on the moon, just waiting to be mined."

Another industry wag put it this way, "The race is on. Whoever gets to the moon first is going to make bundles, that's for sure. I'm glad that space exploration is finally going private and I know the Bush Administration concurs."

Bush spokesman Scott McClellan offered, "We have always encouraged entrepreneurship and this one is a doozy. Our Administration wholeheartedly endorses these fine Americans doing what Americans do best, cutting the throats of their competition."

Some scientists are saying that the effect of mining blue cheese from the moon could have a devastating effect on the tidal levels here on earth leading to even greater catastrophes than those caused by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, but their claims have been dismissed as alarmist liberal balderdash by the Bush Administration.

Small blue cheese manufacturers have issued their own protest. One went so far as to brand the idea "lunatic."

Big cheeses in the cheese world ignore such criticism as "sour grapes," noting this metaphor may not be as mixed as it seems, since "wine and cheese go together so well, don't be surprised to learn of vineyard opportunities on Mars in the near future."

1 comment:

Josh Ondich said...

The moon is not made out of Blue Cheese and George W. Bush is not the greatest president of all time and I am not a Republican thats what makes the world go around. My blog is underconstruction, but the links are there