Today the U.S. Supreme Court issued a stunning endorsement of same sex marriage in all fifty states. "Yes, this is a matter of equal protection under the law," A beaming Justice Scalia stated at a packed press conference. In light of previous case rulings and public sentiment, we realize that it is only fair to allow all people the same right to marry, even people of their same sex."
"And" he continued, his smile growing larger, "since our own precedent is to treat corporations as people under the 14th Amendment, this means that corporations and are now also free to marry, merge to you lay people, with others of their same kind, without being troubled by an alphabet soup of Government agencies, like the SEC, the FCC, and so on."
A surprised hush fell over the crowd. Justice Thomas in an uncharacteristic moment of speech, said in a loud voice, "No more anti-trust laws, boys. That's what the man said."
Scalia explained, "So if ATT wants to marry another telecommunications company, like Verizon, the boys on the Hill don't need to worry their pretty little heads about it. If Bank of America wants to marry Wells Fargo, they can with no interference from the government. Live and let live. Corporations are people too my friend"
The four "liberal" members of the Court sat back glumly, while Justice Anthony Kennedy was seen off the tide, scratching head and scrolling through Craigslist on his ipad.