Wednesday, December 21, 2005

More Fun with Dick and George – Me and my Wiretap – A Christmas Parable

OK, I admit it, I’m a little paranoid, but it has just occurred to me that I am a prime suspect for a warrentless George Bush NSA wiretap. Right this minute, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to learn that he’s lurking on my computer, ready to pounce on and record my emails.

These wiretaps against US citizens are ok, says the President, because they only involve correspondence between Americans and foreigners. At first I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking this is no Cointelpro operation. I may rail a little bit against the current administration’s activities in Iraq and elsewhere, but I do it all on American soil, with fellow Countrymen. But then I realized I might be on the list after all.

Why? For one thing I get regular correspondence from an organization called Lawyers Against the War. This makes wiretapping ok, even necessary in our fearless leader’s opinion, to protect Americans from terrorists and evildoers.

You see Lawyers Against the War is a Canadian based outfit currently suing the Bushies over allegations of torture in Iraq. Unfortunately, the Canadian Court hearing the case has claimed “diplomatic immunity” for Bush because of his chumminess with the Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin.

Lawyers Against the War is undaunted, however, and plans to continue to press their suit, even if they have to wait until King George is impeached … er … out of office, however that occurs.

This brings me to another conjecture about potential surveillance candidates: elderly Americans who regularly buy their prescription drugs in Canada. These subversive seniors are undercutting American drug companies’ profits by making midnight runs across the border, or sending their orders over the internet or through the US mails.

Prime targets for wiretapping. How more un-American can you be than taking your business out of the country?

And wait. What about all those techies in India I chat with when Earthlink goes on the blink? Clearly cause for surveillance. How close to the Pakistan border are these facilities? And now that I think of it, why is Earthlink going down so often these days? Are they being targeted too? Or is it just my computer, infected as it is with foreign communications?

And that buzzing sound on my home phone I attributed to the weather … the clicks and whistles on my cell … George, Dick, are you listening?

Here's the Christmas part? I do wish you both a merry one … If you can take time out from reading all those letters sent from American children to Santa, that foreign born elf from the North Pole.

Ho Ho Ho!