Thursday, May 25, 2006

George Bush Spies on Himself

In a bold move for the Unitary Presidency, George Bush announced today that he was opening a dossier on himself.

"No one is immune from the law, even if it's not the law," said Bush, as he tentatively inserted an electric probe in one ear.

"we are in a War," he continued, scowling slightly as the wire probed deeper. "Now, you see, if I want to spy on Congress because they are a bunch of terror lovers, I git to do that. And if I want to spy on myself, 'cause I'm not to be trusted, well, then, I cin do that too."

He squinted and twisted his head from side to side, slightly as the probe went ever deeper into the ear canal.

"Ouch, that hurts," he said, "But it's fer the good of the country. There might be some terr'ists in there. Got to clean them out." He kept on grimacing as the probe went ever deeper into the President's head, until it popped out the other side.

"That's better!" he exclaimed, beaming, "Now I cin hear outa both ears. Things are gonna be a lot better around here from now on. No one can sneak up on me and sleep in my brain. Sleeper cells you know, sneak into your body parts and take over the molecules."

With that, Dick Cheney approached with a flashlight and began examining the space between the President's now open ears, then mumbled, "all clear" and made a big check mark in the ledger that he carried.

President Bush kept right on smiling for the cameras.