Wednesday, December 07, 2005


George Bush and Dick Cheney spent the weekend watching old Japanese horror flicks in the presidential screening room. Notably, they viewed a series featuring the creatures Mothra and Godzilla. Mothra, as film buffs and former teenagers will recall, is a giant moth like creature who fights to protect her eggs, then takes on the giant Godzilla lizard in a series of battles of the beasts. She is often killed to be reborn of the pupa she leaves behind.

Cheney and Bush were arguing over who in current affairs was Mothra and who was Godzilla. "Well, Dick," said Bush, between bites of hot buttered popcorn, "I don't see how you can even ask that question. There's a guy named Mothra trying to undo all our hard work in the Iraq right now. A Democratic traitor who wants us to cut and run. Mothra the guy's name is. Risen from the dead, just like those nasty caterpillars do, popping out of his cocoon to drip slime all over the good American name. Let’s waste 'im!"

After rolling his eyes, and casting a sideways glance at the Secret Service detail hunkered down in the back of the screening room, Cheney whispered to Bush, "But that makes us Godzilla; do you want to be known as the giant lizard that ate Iraq? And besides, the guy’s name is Murtha, not Mothra."

"Murtha, Mothra, what’s the difference? You're always so hung up hung up on appearances," complained Bush. "Oh, wait, here’s the good part, where the Giant lizard makes omelettes out of the Moth's eggs." He starts thumbing the remote to increase the volume of the roars and screeches coming from the screen."

With that, Cheney whacked Bush upside the head, "You idiot," he growled, grabbing at the remote. "Mothra’s protected by little angel fairies, and she's gonna whale on the lizard. He’s the bad guy you moron. Now watch him stamp out Tokyo with a single webbed foot! Is that how you want this Administration to be remembered?"

"Hey, all those broken down buildings kinda remind me of Fallujah. Do you think he has any of those cool flame throwing things?" As Cheny tosses the remote behind the couch, Bush turns to him, annoyed, "Dick, are you telling me this Murtha Mothra guy is gonna whup our asses?"

"It's those damn little angel fairies. They're everywhere, spreading lies and deceit and insubordination in the ranks. And George, it doesn’t help if you go around telling people we’re Godzilla."

"Little angel fairies? Damn gays in the military! That's the whole problem. Once we establish democracy and Christianity over there, we’ll be back on track. Now, give me back the remote! There is no way Godzilla gets whupped by a moth and little angel fairies. Not on my watch."

With that, George Bush sank lower into his cushions and dug into the popcorn with both hands.