Moon Really Made of Blue Cheese

Channeling the spirit of my friend Stan "The Man" Sinberg, who writes clever bits for the tabloids, I was inspired to pen the following tabloidesque piece of my own:

Flash! Scientists discover the moon is really made of blue, not green, cheese. This revelation is heralded by Corporate America, always on the lookout for new avenues of outsourcing to exploit.

"This amazing discovery," said one industry spokesperson, "will put to shame the famous blue cheese caves of Wisconsin. Think of the possibilities for profit! Endless blue cheese ripening on the moon, just waiting to be mined."

Another industry wag put it this way, "The race is on. Whoever gets to the moon first is going to make bundles, that's for sure. I'm glad that space exploration is finally going private and I know the Bush Administration concurs."

Bush spokesman Scott McClellan offered, "We have always encouraged entrepreneurship and this one is a doozy. Our Administration wholeheartedly endorses these fine Americans doing what Americans do best, cutting the throats of their competition."

Some scientists are saying that the effect of mining blue cheese from the moon could have a devastating effect on the tidal levels here on earth leading to even greater catastrophes than those caused by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, but their claims have been dismissed as alarmist liberal balderdash by the Bush Administration.

Small blue cheese manufacturers have issued their own protest. One went so far as to brand the idea "lunatic."

Big cheeses in the cheese world ignore such criticism as "sour grapes," noting this metaphor may not be as mixed as it seems, since "wine and cheese go together so well, don't be surprised to learn of vineyard opportunities on Mars in the near future."

From John Conyers

When I saw the news that Jimmy Carter was part of the group proposing a national voter ID card, I was surprised. Now I'm shocked, after reading the same concern from John Conyers, and it's worse than I thought!

Those of you who are faithful readers of the "Green Dog" know I hardly ever publish stuff from other people, especially national figures and politicians. I figure we all get it several times in our Inbox. However, this one got to me, and I want it to get out far and wide. So read on:

"A privately funded, unaccountable Commission organized by former Bush-Cheney campaign lawyer James Baker, III, and former President Jimmy Carter issued a report today that includes policy proposals that will disenfranchise over ten percent of eligible voters –– a national ID requirement to vote. This national voter ID proposal is essentially a poll tax that will disenfranchise Americans of all backgrounds, but the poor, the disabled, the elderly, students, and people of color would bear the greatest burden. The Katrina victims – those without the means to escape the storm – typify the population that the Commission's ID proposal will most likely leave out of our democracy."

John Conyers is on the ball and doing something about it. What I cannot understand is how Jimmy Carter got hoodwinked into signing on with these guys? Any thoughts? We should all write to him and sing this petition asap.

Thanks.

Read more:

From Rep. John Conyers (http://johnconyers.com The Petitiocn is at
http://johnconyers.com/petition):

Join With Me in Fighting Against This New Poll Tax Proposal

The simple fact is that many minority and poor voters do not have the time, money or need to purchase a drivers license. In fact, over ten percent of eligible voters in the last election did not have a photo ID. They vote by presenting other means of identification (a voter registration card, utility bill, or affidavit). This Commission is now asking Congress to deny the franchise to those voters unless they obtain a national ID card.

The implausible claim is made that Congress will pay for ID cards for those who cannot afford to buy them. Yet, given the shortfalls in funding and implementation of the Help America Vote Act, combined with the multibillion-dollar costs for restoration of the Gulf Coast and the ongoing war in Iraq, we know this is not going to happen.

Join With Me in Fighting Against This New Poll Tax Proposal
http://johnconyers.com

Even those who would not be directly affected by this provision have expressed concern about its potential threat to personal privacy. The institution of a National ID card has throughout world history been a tool of repression. This recommendation, coupled with the Commission's recommendation of interoperable databases of voters, would mark the first step toward the creation of national registries of American citizens.

Make no mistake about it, this national ID voting card will result in the disenfranchisement of poor and minority voters and make us susceptible to the same old Ken Blackwell-style Republican electoral dirty tricks that cost Senator Kerry the election in Ohio. Remember the lack of voting machines in Ohio for Democratic voters? Remember the machines that broke down or registered strange numbers of votes for George Bush or unknown third party candidates? Remember Ken Blackwell's paper weight requirements for voter registration cards?

Imagine if the Republican party can, in one fell swoop, apply new legal obstacles to more than ten percent of voters, most of them poor, minority and elderly voters, most of them Democratic voters, from being able to vote.

I am challenging you to get involved and fight this poll tax. Visit my website, http://johnconyers.com, to sign my petition to House Leadership and write a letter to the editor demanding that this proposal not be enacted. I have converted this website into a voting rights action center to address this issue. It will be constantly updated with up-to-the-minute news on this issue and actions you can take to help.

Thank you for your help and your continued stand for a better democracy.

Sincerely,

John Conyers, Jr.