Dear Sir or Madame kindly,
I am rightful president of country not respected by Democrats. All I do is good and compassionate, yet I fear daily.
Terrorists everywhere wait for small misstep; then pounce. I fear for life and crown. I ask help. It is Jesus’ way.
To put simple, votes are needed. Votes buy the crown. Money is needed for votes which are mine, but evildoers and terrorists wait.
I have worked tireless every day to keep compassion and save country from terrorists. I help Iraq! I help Afghanistan. Bad evildoers consider coup. All I do is for people. And Jesus. Jesus is guide every footstep, Amen.
For Jesus and good Country your help so gratefully need to do good. To vanquish evil. To make Jesus come and get me outa here.
Your help most kindly needed as conservative and compassion. Only is I ask for money. Small amounts but better large, to help keep votes coming and terrorists away.
Better send confidential bank information. I win votes you get small country all your own. I attack for you! I own Army. I Chief Commander of Army, but get respect not.
Please, I implore your kindness, help save compassionate me from terror. Terror is everywhere. Votes are needed. Money for votes is only way, regretfully, and for Jesus you can help.
Your servant compassionate and conservative always,