In a surprising revelation today, former VP, Dick "the terrorists are coming" Cheney told shocked news reporters that he is the father of Nadya Suleman's octuplets.
"How else do you think she got eight babies when only six were implanted," growled the proud Papa. "and you thought Dick Cheney was through."
He continued, "We need all the resources we can muster in the country to fight the terrorists, coming to murder us in our beds. Obama won't do it, in fact he's out there passing around condemns to the poor, so I have decided to grow my own domestic army, starting with these little sweeties. I call them my "Battling Babies."
"Of course, most American women are too busy getting manicures and having their feet waxed to breed for America, but I'm pleased to report that another seven are on their way. The mom is in a secure, undisclosed location as we speak."
While reporters struggle to find the words for the many questions swirling through their scrambled brains, Cheney muttered something under his breath, and, in a puff of sulfurous smoke, disappeared.Veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas was heard to exclaim, "Damn, I was afraid of something like that," as she joined the throng out the door of the now smoldering press tent.
Published at sfgate.com