Monday, August 27, 2012

Cloning Jesus

It had to happen. After Dolly the sheep, a cow, assorted fruit flies, mice and other lower species, scientists would decide it was time to clone humans. In Italy a scientist has stated, against the tide of medical ethics, that if someone comes to him to be cloned, he’ll do it.
But that’s nothing. There’s now talk of cloning Jesus. I read it a few years back, and got to thinking maybe it's time to revive this thought. (Apparently the origin of this was a fake website now debunked by Snopes, but hey, a girl can dream right, especially one who went to a Christian college for a year.)  With all the blood and other relics purporting to be from the Son of God himself lying around in various churches, reliquaries and front yards of the devoted, it should be an easy task to scrape a few dried traces up for the test tube. If some of the blood isn’t actually authentic, we can probably still come up with a few minor saints and prophets.
And what a about the Virgin Mary? Can we take some tears running down the cheeks of a Brazilian Madonna on Easter morning and reproduce her? We can have the whole family, back together again! The Holy Ghost might be a problem. I don’t think ghosts have DNA, but maybe we can just conjure him up out of the aether.
What would a modern day Jesus be like? He’d have to dress differently if he wanted to minister to the 21st century If he turned up in robes and sandals, he’d be directed to Berkeley, and if he showed up with a cross and stigmata, he’d be picked up on a 72 hour hold.
A modern day Messiah would need a BMW and a line of gab.  Definitely a website, a Blog and a Facebook page.  He’d have to have hair by Yosh and clothes by Armani. Or maybe Calvin, so as not to appear snobbish. But really, no one is going to listen to him if he goes all humble and dresses like a bricklayer. Not even the bricklayers.
And he has to have a TV Ministry.  One with one of those mega churches. So it has to be in the South or one of the desert area, like LA, or Las Vegas, maybe Arizona, but no one in  northern climes ever goes to them, so far as I can tell. You can really pack them in and then the rest of your followers can watch you on TV and then send in their alms or tithe online.
But he needs a body of water nearby to walk on and a temple to drive the moneychangers out of. What is money changer anyway?  I’m guessing sort of like a loan shark. 
And can you imagine the Easter services, when he climb out of tomb and actually ascends into Heaven, maybe Mary and the Holy Ghost can accompany him each year up through the clouds and past the Pearly gates.  The whole crucifixion thing may have to go, too violent , maybe he can just take to the cave and pop out in three days, with all the ladies in their finery and men in the Sunday best waiting outside for the show to start.
I bet Jesus even gets scalpers for that!

No comments: